Last night I dreamed I was waltzing through a beautiful hotel lobby. It had that Roman architecture and a glass ceiling that gave view to the stars overhead. I don't know what I was doing there. Suddenly I heard gunfire, and I sprinted toward the front door along with another guy who just happened to be walking that same direction. But we were mowed down in the gunfire.
As we lay there bleeding, we were tied up to a big ornamental metal table with some fake flowers on it and we were assigned a henchman to watch over us and make sure that we didn't escape. I made small talk with my fellow captor, and at one point the two of us looked up at the stars and remarked about how beautiful it was. And as gunfire erupted in the distance (presumably from people being shot dead), and as we lay on a marble floor and slowly bleed to death, I couldn't help but think what a nice ending this was.
I'm not sure what that dream means exactly. But I have had a series of these dreams lately where the world is falling apart around me and I just give into it. And it feels so peaceful.
And now some apologies about this weekend:
- I'm sorry I was so fucking needy. You don't deserve that.
- I'm sorry I stayed up until midnight and sent you a dirty video with my phone (what is wrong with me?) -- even though I think you kind of enjoyed that
- I'm sorry for all my strange jealousy and paranoia
- I'm sorry that I woke up in a horrible depressed funk and stayed in bed to cry for several hours wasting a perfectly good Saturday morning
Thank you for tolerating me. For always being there for me. For giving me the love that I so desperately need. For trying to understand me. Even when I don't understand me.
My love for you is eternal.
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