Sometimes I wonder if Monsanto sprayed something on my vegetables. Or all of the DDT in the 1970's did it. Or maybe it's all genetic. But I just can't stay sane.
Up late staring at the night reflections on the glass again. A knot in my gut. The whiskey won't put me to sleep. The pills just made me sleepy. But not tired enough. Now that dark fist has a firm grip on me and I just want to crawl into a dark corner and disappear.
I want to let her sleep. But I'm afraid that my being awake will awaken her. But then if I keep this up, those strange unintelligible voices start mumbling in my brain and I definitely won't be able to sleep.
When I was a kid I used to think that I was picking up radio signals with my teeth. There was this idea going around that having metal fillings would turn your fat liquid head into some sort of antenna. I now know that there is no science to support that and it was likely some sort of stupid urban legend. I suppose I was going schizo at a pretty early age and those fucking voices are still there to greet me if I stay up late at night. I suppose I'm lucky that I can never quite make out what he's saying. Sounds like a very muffled newscaster.
Could be worse. I could be taking orders from my neighbors dog.
Tomorrow should be a fun day. But I already know it will be difficult because that dark spirit is haunting me. No doubt here for a week or more. I have to put on a happy face. I'm a pretty good actor. And when I'm really in character, nobody sees him here with me. The pills surely do help! But oh, so does the alcohol.
Okay, can't start that talk. We have no whiskey left to drink. And the night is just beginning. Perhaps you would like some cough syrup, you son of a bitch? I'll split it between two glasses and we can toast to our good (mental) health. Come to think of it, why am I the one staring out the fucking window? This is what YOU want to do!
