Some days I just feel like my heart has been ripped out of my chest, and filled with a cold painful darkness. I open it to show it to you, but you don't care. And the darkness seeps in. I slowly creep into your space. I want to feel your touch. I want you to reach for me. But you don't. And I am heartbroken once again.
Some days I wonder what you are thinking. When you stare off into space. Your hands between your knees. I touch your hands. I smell the oils from your cigarettes. I run my hands over your scars. And all the while I wonder what you are feeling. I want to be touched so badly.
Last night I lay staring at the walls. And I imagined putting my head in your lap. As I have so many times before. But it was different. You put your arm over me. You ran your fingers across my scalp. And I felt love.
But it's just a warped fantasy. And I am left alone in the dark with my thoughts. I try to think of the last time you came to me. And wrapped your arms around me. The last time you touched my face. Nothing comes to mind.
Tonight I will drink myself to sleep. And I will throw myself at you. And you will shove me off. And it's okay. Because I am just tipsy. But I just want to be touched.
