Ever the lap dog. I do my dance for you.
I touch your face, but you turn away.
I reach for your thighs, and you roll away.
Yet I dance for you. It's a waste of time.
Now I feel the pain of depression and I wonder what I was thinking.
And now I wear my dark cloak again.
My fears all come true. My paranoia is justified.
I used to think you were being defensive and unattached.
So hurt by loss that you pulled away from me for safety.
But that was so long ago. And now you know I will never leave.
I was an experiment. Something different and new.
But never what you *wanted*.
What will become of me when you have that chance. To get what you want.
Do you want me around? Do you need me? Would you care if I vanished today?
Given a new life without me, would you accept it?
I often wonder if you are only in live with the idea of having me.
I long for you. I lust after you.
But you loathe my affection.
Sometimes I fantasize about the life you would have without me.
How happy you would be.
How great the sex would be.
And my being gone wouldn't be so bad.
Because you could start your life over without the guilt.
No one would judge you.
I would become better to you.
Because your memories would play out like an old movie.
You would forget way that I pathetically cling to you.
Being a ghost wouldn't be so bad.
